In the middle we were to put our name and then there were 4 bubbles that we were supposed to fill in with words that we thought were part of our identity. Part of who we are.
I had a hard time with this one... But after a while I came up with the words
Daughter. Athlete. Christian. Leader.
Then we were told to tell a story about one of these identifiers that made us proud to say that we were one of them. I used the word athlete. I said that I was proud to be an athlete because it made me a disciplined person. Being an athlete was my escape from anything and everything bad that was going on outside my life of sports. I was proud to say that I was an athlete when I got awards such as Most Athletic, Most Valuable Player, Best Defense, Best Offense, Most Inspirational, etc.
Then we were to take that same word and explain how it was painful to identify ourselves as that. So using the word athlete, I tried to think about how it was painful to be known as this. I guess for me it was just hard in high school to be known as an athlete because that's who everyone saw me as. Everyone thought that that was my whole life and what was important to me. I hate being called a "beast." I may good at sports, but I hated being told that I was masculine. I am not trying to brag, but I was one of the better female athletes at Kalama High School, but that didn't mean I liked only being identified with sports.
Then our professor asked us the question, "Well who are you?" Then after a long, completely silent pause, she started talking about how she knows that deep down in side of us all, we all have the same core. Everyone kind of looked around with a questioned look and our professor said,
"At our very core... We are ALL the Beloved of Christ. But what are you BEYOND that? Outside being Beloved, who are you?"
This question became surprisingly very hard to answer. She talked about how Sarah Baldwin first asked her this question and how it took her forever to figure out who she is. She said that Sarah called herself a midwife. Although a midwife is most commonly known as someone who helps birth babies, it is also known as someone who assists in the bringing about. She describes herself as this because she helps people bring something great out of their soul. She helps birth, or bring forth, the Belovedness of someone.
Melanie Hulbert, the professor, then talked about how she realized that she is a gardner. She believes that she is a very anticipatory person. She anticipates the results of what is happening. She helps nurture things into bring great results.
Listening to these stories made me think SO much about who I am. I don't think I have an identifier for myself. I am Haley Rene' Bellows. Outside of that and the Beloved of Christ, I'm clueless. I find it SO hard to figure out who God has called me to be.
This is a question that I can already tell is going to be a tough one to figure out.
Who Am I?
Lord, I am Your Beloved.
But who am I beyond that?
Help me to find out who I am
within this kingdom of Yours.
