I guess I can start with... I'M CANCER-FREE!!
I can't believe that I haven't even taken the time to write that on a blog yet!
It's been an incredible 4 months of traveling, just hanging out, watching the growth of my hair from day to day and enjoying new relationships. This picture is a comparison of the day that I found out I was in remission (April 17th) and then a recent picture.
This picture makes me tear up whenever I look at it because it is a reminder of how God allowed me to endure this hardship in order for His greatness and faithfulness to be displayed in my life.
In the moments where I would look at my pale, hairless self in the mirror after getting sick, I found myself wondering if this was going to be my story for the rest of my life. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, I was exhausted. And in those same moments, God would enfold me in His ever-loving comfort. He would lay His calming hand upon me and tell me to trust Him.
I have a lot to be thankful for. Without this battle, I wouldn't have discovered certain blessings along the way. God has truly gifted me even through the lowest points of this journey. I am thankful I allowed God to press into my gaping wounds. I am thankful that I chose to trust Him day in and day out. I am thankful that He is a God of grace for the times I would yell and curse at Him.
Fighting cancer is hard. And often people have no clue how hard it truly is. It's not only a fight for your life, which is difficult enough. It's staying strong through multiple treatments. It's standing firm in faith through scans and tests. It's a one-on-one spiritual war. It's all the aforementioned, combined with idiotic insurance agents, overwhelming medical bills, and other life drama. It's not just a fight. My diagnosis has transformed every moment, every nook and cranny, every aspect of my life. That's just a fact.
Yet He has shown me that joy can exist in the midst of heartache. He has used this diagnosis for His glory, and I'm confident He will continue to. There is no greater satisfaction than to know that He has transformed this tragedy into triumph. I am thankful that my story has a purpose, even if it is one that I may never be able to wrap my mind around on this earth.
And above all, I am immensely thankful that my story includes healing because I know of so many who don't have that as a part of theirs.
For those friends of mine out there still fighting this disease, You can do it! More often than not, you just have to suck it up and keep fighting. It's a hard struggle, but you will discover more of yourself than you ever have. When you feel weak, know that our God is strong. He has not given this disease to you, but has allowed it. For what the enemy tries to use against us, God transforms into something miraculous and good. You will have hard days. You will grieve. You will cry. You won't want to leave your house, let alone get out of bed. You will experience pain and heartbreak. BUT, you WILL have good days. Great days in fact. Life is put into perspective when you are fighting for it. You will laugh. You can experience joy and hope. This isn't the end of the road. Certain things in your life will change, but you can continue to hold on to things that bring you happiness. There are people around you, whether you know them or not, who just want to help. Let them! Don't give up. As soon as you resign yourself, it's over. This is an epic battle. You are a soldier. You are on the front lines. And with your medical staff and The Man upstairs, you will crash through this diagnosis with guns blazing. Allow yourself to experience the rough days. Allow yourself to grieve and cry. After all, cancer is shitty. I give you permission to be sad, angry, hurt, and possibly devastated. Sometimes that's all we need...someone to say, "It's okay to cry." However once you've exhausted yourself from tears, pick your cancer-kickin' butt up. On days that you feel well enough, get out of the house. Don't isolate yourself. Enjoy the world we live in. Spend time with your friends and family. Go to a comedy show and laugh. Eat good food. Please, don't let your diagnosis run your life. You are not a cancer patient. But rather, a person who just so happens to have cancer. And last but not least, fight hard. This disease is a jerk.
Psalm 107:19-22 (MSG Version)
"Then you called out to God in your desperate condition; He got you out in the nick of time. He spoke the word that healed you, that pulled you back from the brink of death. So thank God for His marvelous love, for His miracle mercy to the children he loves; offer thanksgiving sacrifices, tell the world what He's done–sing it out!"
