Choices

Sometimes I just wish God would make all the decisions for us. Wouldn't that just be delightful?
I hate making decisions and I always have been like that. When someone asks me what I want for dinner, I always reply with "I don't care." Most of the time I really don't! But it also has a lot to do with the fact that I don't want to be the one to decide.
Sometimes we are faced with decisions that could end up hurting someone in the end or end up hurting ourselves. In those kinds of situations, I would rather just be able to say, "Well God made me make that decision!"

Right now I am faced with a decision that doesn't necessarily have a bad consequence in the end, but will hugely determine how my next year at George Fox will be. I wish that God would have just made it easy to decide what I want to do, but he has really left this one up to me.

Everyone always says to go with your gut feeling, but I honestly had no idea what that was. I have done a lot of journaling, coffee dates, and prayer in order to really seek out God's will for my next year.

While doing a devotion and reading my Bible tonight when sitting at Red Leaf, I came across Ephesians 1:18. When I read this verse, I got that feeling in my gut. That one that every one says I should have. I think I know what I am going to do. =)

"I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you."

Lord, I pray that you give me some

affirmation in the decision I have made.

I really believe that you have put this choice

on my heart, and I am going to follow your lead.

Journey of Healing, Hope, and Wholeness.

This week is relationship week at George Fox and Monday night they did the "Sex Talk" where there were separate girls and guys rooms for students to ask questions to a panel of people that want to share their story and want to answer questions we have about anything.
We had 6 panelists that all had completely different stories. It's so interesting because if you took a little piece of each of their stories and combined them—That would be my story.

I know that I challenged myself earlier this year to be open, but I have honestly not ever taken the time to think about who to talk to. I mean, I have shared my story with some of the most important people in my life back home. But I have gained such great relationships here at Fox, but I seem to shy away from telling people who I really am and what has happened in my life that has shaped me.

Something that I that I have done is put a band aid over a gaping wound and assumed that I would be okay after that. Boy, was I wrong! After this panel, I found myself fighting back tears and asking for prayer because I desperately need to get that wound stitched up before it can heal properly.

I think that sharing my story is what causes a lot of healing, hope, and wholeness for me, but I think I tend to hold back sharing my story because the enemy has this stronghold of shame in my heart for things that have happened. But after the panel, I walked up to a panelist that I knew. While shaking, I told her I needed prayer and she asked if there was anything specific. I responded by telling her what panelist read the question I wrote down, and she knew what it was and hugged me tightly and prayed for me. I am very thankful to have her holding me accountable for sharing my story or I probably would try to avoid it. We had a time and date already figured out for our "time of goodness"

I think my journey to healing is about to begin again, even though I do know that this journey will last a lifetime.

Lord, I want to thank You for the amazing people

You have placed in my life. Whether it be the people

back home or the wonderful people here at Fox, You 

have blessed me beyond what I could ever ask for. 

I pray that You help me share my story in a way that

provides me with healing of my wounds. I pray that You

place people in my life that make me feel comfortable 

enough to open up. I pray for a beautiful journey of

 healing and hope. And Lord, make me feel whole again.

Gladness Meets Hunger

"The place God calls you to be is where your deepest gladness and the world's deep hunger meet."

I was very challenged by this quote in chapel today.

What causes me to be filled with such a deep gladness?
What are my spiritual gifts?
What am I truly passionate about?

Why is it that get I get so dumbstruck over the question, "What makes you happy?"

I mean, the question really is not really that complex, yet I feel the need to have somewhat of a complex answer. And in a sense, this makes college career paths that much harder to think about. Is Social Work or Youth Ministry what God is calling me to do?

And then to look at the opposite side of this quote... What is the world's deep hunger? There are so many needs in this world, but what can I do to help? How has God wired me to help meet specific needs in this world?

"I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God." Ecclesiastes 3:11-12.

Be happy and do good=Deep gladness meeting world's deep hunger=the gift of God.

1. What is my deep gladness?

2. What is the world's deep hunger?

3. How do these go hand in hand in my life?

Lord, I pray that you reveal to me

what you call me to do through 

helping me figure out what brings me

deep gladness. And help me to open my

eyes to see the world's deep hunger

is too. I trust You to guide me.