Ruined

I sit here in disbelief, but thankful. Broken-hearted but blessed.

I just walked through the valley, which is the lower part of Galati, Romania that is often forgotten and very poor. Houses with roofs caving in. Children with tired eyes. Stairs collapsing. Mothers hanging clothes outside with sweat dripping down their faces. Families begging on the corner.

I try to imagine what life would be like if I traded places with any of the people here in the valley.

Would I be the kid whose family got our house taken and now live with 30 people in 2 rooms of a rundown building?

Would I be the kid whose mother locks me out of the house in 20 below freezing weather because I took too long at the store?

Would I be the deaf grandmother working hard to take care of my grandchildren?

Would I be the kid who has to very carefully watch my step up to my house because the stairs are collapsing?

Or would I be the mother who gives away my meal to yet another child I so graciously welcome in to my home?

My heart aches after hearing story after story.

I think about the months growing up that my family didn't have water or electricity in the house. It was a struggle, but to these people-that is an everyday reality.

I remember collecting plastic bottles and cans with my siblings in order to do activities because my parents couldn't afford extras. It was hard not being able to do what all my friends could, but to these people-collecting bottles is a way of getting the basic necessities for survival.

Life is different here.

There is something that seems to be evident and parallel to life back home.

There is joy to be found in the pain.
There is redemption to be found in the suffering.

The youngest child of nine is making her way to college even after growing up in a one bedroom home with no water and electricity.

After years of homelessness and abuse from several different family members, a brother and sister are getting taken care of by wonderful people and making a new life for themselves.

A young man spends his summer in the library because he thrives in learning and making a future.

There is a safe and comfortable community that provides education, food, and a place for kids to be kids in the valley.

Being here in Romania and Moldova has completely reshaped my mind in what it means to be serving Jesus amongst the poorest of the poor.

I look around and wonder if this is the kind of place the Lord is calling me to? Or have I just developed this longing in me to indulge myself in this culture?

Either way. I know I will be back someday. There is just something beautiful about the grace found in the work being done here that has captured my heart. When I have to leave, a piece of my heart will remain over here.

My life has been ruined... in the best way possible.

Enjoy Every Moment

On April 6th, 2012—I was sitting in the doctors office when I was first told, "You have cancer."

Exactly two months from that date, June 6th, I will be on a plane to Romania—Cancer-free!

Now isn't that something?! Gosh, we serve a big God!

It has been almost 3 weeks since I found out that I was in remission and what a three weeks it has been. Fully of twists and turns. So much excitement, as well as many struggles. 

I struggle fighting my fear of relapse.

I struggle at times to find happiness.

I struggle to ask when I need something, even it is just to talk.

I think I had too high of an expectation in when it came to remission because I really do think I expected it to be all rainbows, butterflies, and kittens–so to speak. Which is true at times, a lot actually. But not always, and I need to be okay with that.

I don't know if I am able to say that I thank God for giving me cancer, but I do give thanks to Him for the amazing things He did within that battle. I give thanks for the growth that I have encountered in the darkness.

Someone told me today, "Don't forget to pray today because God didn't forget to wake you up this morning."

Then I tied this together with a quote a friend reminded me of the other day, "What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?"

Those two things have really been getting my mind going. 

I need to pray and give thanks daily! 

Even if I struggle, God is in the midst of that. He takes on my struggles as His own. He bears the weight that I feel on His shoulders.

I tend to find myself thanking God for the big things. The miracles He performs, the big opportunities He has for me, etc. Yes, I obviously need to continue to do so, but I need to reshape my perspective on what I am thankful for.

The little things deserve just as much, if not more, praise because those things happen every second of every day. 

I am thankful for my pillow I get to sleep with every night.

I am thankful for my stuffed pig that reminds me of all the amazing memories I had with my Nana.

I am thankful for my cell phone that keeps me connected with the people that God has placed in my life.

I am thankful for beautiful sunsets that seem to always make my heart happy.

God puts these little blessings in my life, and I overlook them way too easily. 

I leave for Romania in 2 days and although I have many fears about this trip, I cannot let them overrule the thankfulness I feel because the happenings of the last 2 months has truly been the unmistakable hand of God (thanks Mandee!) in my life.

Lord, I want to give You thanks for everything.

Thank you for the little blessings that you put in

my life, and even when I seem to overlook them...

Thank you for continuing to show me Your

unmistakable work in my life. You are worthy of all praise.