So Worried.

Isn't it just amazing how people can be so worried about things that with prayer and faith God provides for you? I went through this situation with several different categories and really just sat and prayed and knew God would provide me with what I needed as long as I trust in Him.

I was so worried about making friends...

(Me. Kelly. Kris. Taviah. Emily)

(Austin, Rachel)

(Ben)

 GOD PROVIDED!

I was so worried about having the things needed to unpack and decorate my room....

(My side of the dorm.. Not finished completely)

GOD PROVIDED!

I was so worried about having fun...

(Mystery Bus Tour)

(Ice skating!)

GOD PROVIDED!

I was so worried about being who I am and fitting in....

(All Campus Worship Symbolic Activity)

GOD PROVIDED!

I really just wanted you fill people in on how things are going.

And although I completely miss everyone,

I am so glad that God has given me this opportunity to get out into the world, discover my own faith, and be able to be in a complete Christian environment all the time...

More Beautiful You

I have been really struggling lately with self image and self worth lately.

I don't necessarily look at myself and think less of me because of my body weight or the way things look.

But more of what kind of things I have chosen to do

or things that have been done to my body in the past.

And that is where the self worth problems come in.

I always feel like the things in my past are going to greatly affect me in the future.

Like who I am going to marry.

God has someone out there for me

 but I always feel like once that person knows everything about me,

 it is going to change everything.

But that is what God is preparing in the heart of the one I am going to marry.

The willingness to help me with my past and accept that

that is part of who I am.

I got home tonight and really just sat and prayed for God to help me through this

and somehow let me know that there is someone out there and he will think I am perfect.

I then decided to listen online to KLOVE and read my Bible.

As I was laying down reading, the song More Beautiful You by Jonny Diaz came on.

I absolutely wept in tears knowing that God is playing this song for me.

In this song it says in one part:

 "But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true and he'll treat you like the jewel you are"

I couldnt believe what I was hearing at first.

This was the answer to my prayer I had said not even 10 minutes earlier.

This song is so amazing and the chorus gets me everytime.

"There could never be a more beautiful you.

Don't buy the lies, disguises, and hoops they make you jump through.

You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do.

So there could never be a more beautiful you."

I posted the song below that has all the lyrics

for those who have not heard the song, or really needed a reminder

that God is going to provide you with someone.

And that you are PERFECT and Beautiful just the way you are.

Attacked!

So yesterday I was having an emotional roller coaster of a day and I knew the moment that the Enemy realized that I was weak and vulnerable, he was going to attack....

Sure enough, he did.

In the midst of trying to journal and just type out all my feelings for the stressful day, I just sat there in daze for a couple minutes and my mind started going off. I started thinking about things that have been done to me and how I responded to those situations with self worth problems and trying to fill that void.

 I started thinking that in an situation where I am hurt, I am going to turn to all that again... I was talking to a couple different people last night and I was just bitter about everything that happened. I was continuously trying to make my self worth seem non-existent again.

I immediately just took a stand and said
 "I am being attacked!"

Sometimes when we are attacked we may become ruled by our emotions and get to the point that we attack back in an irrational manner thus ruining our own testimony. Satan wanted to draw me in so he can diminish my spiritual and physical strength. Satan wanted me to commit all my resources to the attack so that I would be of no value to the Kingdom of God.

I was feeling vulnerable after having a long day and barely any sleep to add to that factor, and didnt think about how the Enemy was going to be waiting for the perfect time to do it. Sometimes I think its so hard to believe that all of this can happen in a period of 4 hours, but it did.

I literally got as far as thinking about future relationships in this attack. I automatically though to myself that anyone that I get close to in that manner is going to judge me because of my past. I thought that I was disqualified from ever finding true love. Satan tells us such horrible lies in the moments of attack and when you are weak, you have no choice but to believe them. And with me, if I try to ignore these lies and accusations, it will all turn into guilt and shame.

I am so lucky to have such wonderful people in my life to whom I know I can turn to and talk to about my attack and be able to calm down through it and realize once again that God is on my side. He has given me the authority to stop the Enemy mid-attack.

This is not the first of my attacks and I know it will not be the last, but I fear for those yet to come.
God did not give me a spirit of fear but the spirit of power and love through Christ Jesus.

You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desire. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

-John 8:44