Summer Thinking.

It's crazy to think that it is only June 1st and I have already been on summer break for a month.

I have never, in my whole life, had a summer break this long! It is so great, but seems to be such a stressful thing at the same time...

During the last month of school, my summer plans changed an uncountable amount of time. I applied to be an intern at my church and didn't get it. Which doesn't bother me at all surprisingly. So I talked to my friend Charis about jobs. It seemed like this conversation went on for DAYS.

I finally decided that I was going go up to Alaska for the summer and work at a lodge owned by one of my friends parents from Fox. It seemed like such a great idea. I would get to experience something completely new. I would be getting paid really well and because the lodge was in the middle of no where, I wouldn't have anywhere to spend the money I was making. That was a huge plus for me because I need to save all the money I can get to pay off my last semester at Fox and then for rent next year in an apartment. But then I got to thinking about how homesick I would get. Or what if I didn't like working at this lodge... What would I do then? Buy another plane ticket home in hopes that I could find another job? That wasn't going to work out...

Then my Aunt Jody called me. She told me that this diner in town was looking to hire for the summer and that I would be getting a ton of hours. That excited me A TON. My whole dad's side of the family lives down in Eugene/Springfield area and I would be working only 10 minutes south. I haven't spent more than a week or two down there at a time, so I would be able to hang out with my family more than I ever have. This turned out to be what I chose for the summer. I moved down to Creswell with my aunt and uncle. I love them to death and I really love being able to live close to that side of the family... Then comes the downside. I started working, and am receiving barely any hours. It is June 1st right now and in the past 2 weeks I worked MAYBE a total of 20 hours... I need way more than that. I need the money.

So here I am now. Sitting at Intermission Coffeehouse in Longview thinking of what to do. I love living down there, I really do. But when I am not working (which is most of the time) I seem to be sitting on the couch watching TV, playing on my computer, or reading a book. And to not live near any of my friends, it really kills me. I am 2 1/2 hours away from everyone I know and love. 

I was up at one of my high school teacher's house Tuesday night for dinner and they are so great. They talked to me forever about how many jobs I could find around here. And once again... My mind starts spinning thinking about all the options that I have. And I honestly think I would be so much happier to just move back up here.

So today, I applied at Children Around the World, a daycare in Kalama, and also the Rebel Truck Stop in Kalama because the manager handed me an application saying that he is looking for summer help. And then as I was walking out the door, he was discussing my application with his wife. The last words I heard as I walked out the door was, "Oooo George Fox! She's a keeper! That's a great school!" And that makes me smile. I would LOVE to move back here.

 Before I was so set on staying and living in Creswell because I have already moved in, my uncle and aunt are used to me living there, and they have also already bought me furniture for my apartment next year. I feel like I would break their hearts if I told them I am moving back home, but at the same time I think they would understand if I got a job back home that it would be in my best interest to move back...

So here I am. Once again dumbfounded on what to do. I mean, I think I have been so wrapped up in what I want to do, that I haven't taken the time to pray about it... Then today it hit me when I heard this song in the car. 

Are you in over your head

Are you in water so deep you're drowning

Do you think you've been left

And there is no one to feel your hurting

Well, everybody has been there

And everybody's felt lost. 

If you're in over your head

Lift it up, lift it up.

Oh, listen to the sound of hope that's rising

Up over your horizon

Listen to the sound, listen to the sound

And listen to the sound of a new beginning

Oh, this is where the old is ending

Listen to the sound, listen to the sound.

*Building 429- Listen to the Sound.

I don't think that through this all, I have even listened to or for anything. I have completely made all decisions by myself. And I have not taken the time to lift it up to Him. He knows what would be best for me and I think that is what I need to do...

Pray about it...

Lord, help me to hear You.

Help me in my obedience to lift

all things up to You because

only YOU know what is best for me.