From The Inside Out: God is Near and He is Good

I have had such a hard time these past couple weeks even if I "look good" or have a giant smile on my face. I have asked the question, "Why?" more times in these past couple weeks than I think I have in my whole life. But one thing that I have found interesting is the change of connotation before that question.

At first I found myself questioning the Lord of the purpose behind this, feeling angry that I couldn't be the one who had the miracle story. "Why me, Lord?" But that completely changed over the course of just a few days. I have felt an unexplainable peace that seems almost supernatural. Instead I find myself curiously asking Why, searching for an answer of what His will is behind this situation.

I don't think I am able to say that I have found an answer to that question, as much as I wish I have. I can't sit here and say that I understand why... At least not yet.

But what I do know is that through my experiences, I am able to draw near to Christ in a way that I have never before.

"My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." Psalm 62:7-8

It has been a constant battle between my heart and my flesh. My heart belongs to the Lord, and I want more than ever to just fully submerse in His love. My flesh says otherwise though. It is weaker than it has ever been before. But how else do I end this battle other than saying that He is my strength. I have been constantly reminded that God is good. And up until now, I don't think I really believed in these words.

"Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him." Psalm 34:8.

God is good. He is ALWAYS good. God never promised me perfect health for all of my life, but He promised me that His love would never change. Tonight I listened to these lyrics and found myself in tears.

"You stay the same through the ages.
Your love never changes
There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning
And when the oceans rage
I don't have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails"

Then I connected this song to a book quote.

"What gives me hope is the belief that God will be faithful, because he has been faithful before, to me and the people around me. I need reminders. I need to be told that he was faithful then, and then, and then. Just because I have forgotten how to see doesn't mean it isn't there. His goodness is there. His promised have been kept. All I need to do it see."

I have blinded myself with anger, bitterness, confusion, etc. I have not taken the time to truly realize that He has always been faithful. His love has never changed despite the suffering in my life. He makes ALL things work together for our good. I wait in hope for the Lord, for He is my shield and strength. He has never left my side no matter how blinded I have become.

Sometimes He is just so close that I can't feel it.