Goodbye nausea.
Goodbye fatigue
Goodbye mouth sores.
Although things like the fatigue and mouth sores will not instantly disappear, I am excited for the day that I physically feel healthy again. But that is where the uncertainty comes in for me.
When will that day come?
Days? Months? Years?
I have a day full of scans tomorrow followed by days of waiting for the results. I have a feeling that those several days of waiting are going to be exhausting because they always are.
There is always the potential that it could come back, and that is where my mind starts filling with the idea that there is always a chance that I may never be able to get rid of it; a chance that I may never be healthy again.
It's a good thing that I am entrusting my life to God. I don't think that He is done with me yet, so those thoughts of uncertainty quickly become past tense.
I truly believe with all of my heart that I will be healthy and cancer-free someday, but if only that could happen without all of the fear of reoccurrence and the wanting of constant check-ups "just in case."
Last time I went into remission the cancer came back after 5 months, so I have a feeling that I am going to have a hard time believing that I am cancer-free until I can make it way beyond that.
I go in tomorrow to get my scans that will determine whether or not my body is free of cancer, or if I have to start the process of finding a bone marrow donor.
Obviously we all know that being told that I am cancer-free would be way better news, but I am just glad that I know the plan of action for either way that way I can prepare myself.
Although getting a bone marrow transplant is a pretty big thing, I think I have prepared myself mentally for the procedure, especially since I have so many wonderful friends that are willing to see if they are a bone marrow match.
I will find my results out midweek some time and until then, I will continue to rejoice in the Lord, for He is with me no matter what happens.
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near." *Philippians 4:4-5
Obviously we all know that being told that I am cancer-free would be way better news, but I am just glad that I know the plan of action for either way that way I can prepare myself.
Although getting a bone marrow transplant is a pretty big thing, I think I have prepared myself mentally for the procedure, especially since I have so many wonderful friends that are willing to see if they are a bone marrow match.
I will find my results out midweek some time and until then, I will continue to rejoice in the Lord, for He is with me no matter what happens.
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near." *Philippians 4:4-5
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