I have been unable to put any organization in my thoughts lately. I was so excited to be heading into my final week of chemo, but instead I just got out of the hospital for catching the flu, and that feels like it has pushed me back 10 steps.
I have five days until I get my scans that will determine whether I am cancer-free or if I will be having to get a bone marrow transplant.
I am having a hard time balancing my excitement to finally be done with chemo and my anxious thoughts about what is to come.
I can't help but wonder what will happen if I have to get a bone marrow transplant. Will I have to take an incomplete in all my classes? Is that possible? Would I have to leave school completely? Or is there any way to wait until winter break and hope that 4 weeks is a long enough recovery time.
And what if the results come the other way...
What if I do find out that I am cancer-free? What does that even mean for me? Does it mean that I get to start worrying about the cancer recurring again? Or does it mean that I can start living my life again?
A lot of thoughts are rushing in and I am not sure how to process them all. So for now all I can do is take it one day at a time.
When you reach the end of your rope,
tie a knot in it and hang on.
*Thomas Jefferson
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When you reach the end of your rope, let go and fall into the trustworthy arms of God.
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