Drained.

For my Life of Christ class, we were given Soul Training Exercises to do weekly and journal about them. This week's exercise was:

"Take a facebook/texting/internet fast this wee for a specific time period—at least 8 waking hours. See if you are able to commit to longer. How hard was this for you? WHat kind of faults things does media immersion teach you? How did your spirit respond to being away from technological connection for a day? Journal"

This is my journal entry for this exercise, and is exactly how I am feeling right now.

I think this media fast just brought out a lot of emotion from me. I did it from 3-11pm and even though it was only 8 hours… I feel like it was EXTREMELY hard. I feel like I definitely got a lot done, homework wise. I did a lot of reading and just sitting around. It was weird to not be on my laptop though. Whether it be for doing homework, getting on facebook, skyping with friends/family, watching TV episodes… Everything was hard. It was really tempting to pick up my laptop when I finished an essay or when I got bored with a book. It’s crazy to me how much time I do spend on my phone or computer. I have always heard the saying, “What if instead of being on facebook, you read your Bible? How much do you think you would know?” And through this fast, I realized that I would be VERY knowledgeable biblically if I spent my time in the Word rather than online.

I truly believe that the hardest thing for me was that I wasn’t in constant contact with everyone. When I was taking a break from homework at one point, I found myself in tears. And completely helpless at the time too. Just sitting in my room, home alone, with no technological connection to people… It made me super emotional. It got me thinking about how stressful this year is going to be and how I am not going to have like any time to visit anyone. I will be working 24 hours a week at Farm to Fork in Dundee, taking 17 credits this semester and 16 next semester, and with all the time I will have to be studying… I feel like all year I am going to be COMPLETELY stressed and tired. I cried because I felt like I had nothing else to do. Just last night I was in tears laying in my bed, clutching my baby blanket and Braveheart Care Bear that my Nana got me for my 3^rd birthday (gosh I miss her SO much), and saying to myself, “I wish this wasn’t going to be so hard. I just want to quit and go home.” I found myself missing my family, friends back home, and all my church family and friends more than ever.

I think it’s insane that this media fast is what had me in tears. I guess when I have all the time in the world to sit and think, everything surfaces. Media immersion has completely blocked out the things I have been feeling inside. I get so caught up in reading the latest “statuses” or worrying about how many points my next Words with Friends word will get me, that I don’t ever think about what I really feel like. I think I truly do need to stray away from how much I am connected to the media in order to keep my emotions in check. I feel like if I continue to keep my emotions bottled up inside I may have a very unpleasant breakdown at some point. Or I just need to start journaling no matter what. Because I feel like if don't express myself healthily, I really feel like I am just going to have to attitude of wanting to give up all the time. Lord, I just want to take the time to pray that you continue to give me the strength to make it through each day. Amen.

Rhythm.

rhythmNoun/ˈriT͟Həm

1. A strong, regular, repeated pattern of movement or sound.

2. The systematic arrangement of musical sounds, principally according to duration and periodic stress.

As a college student, I think this is THE hardest thing to find. We are in a stage in our life where there is constant change. At least I feel like I am. I can never find that "repeated pattern of movement," although I find myself trying to gain it every day. 

I go from having an amazing summer living at the Campbell's residence and working a set schedule to living off campus in an apartment with a friend, attending full time at George Fox, and trying to fit work into that schedule because I have to pay rent. SO HARD! I find myself stressing every day about how much homework I have, how little sleep I get, how I don't get to do anything fun, and I haven't even started my job yet!

I feel like college is always constant change... 

• Move in as freshman.
• Start fall semester classes.
• Leave school for a month for winter beak
• Completely different spring semester classes.
• Go home for the summer and lost the school mindset.
• Move back in to a completely different place on or off campus.
• Start different classes once again.
• And repeat all of this chaos for years...

Don't doubt me that my time at Fox has been more than I could ever ask for... But why does it have to be so stressful. I actually did a survey for one of my classes last year and asked the question, "If you could define college in one word, what word would you use?" 71 out of 100 people used the word stress or stressful. I feel like it shouldn't be that way.

Isn't funny that the definition of rhythm even has the word stress in it? I mean, I know it's not saying that literally saying "periodic stress," but that is the way I took it! If you combine the two definitions and mix it up a little you can create the definition: "A strong, regular, repeated pattern of movement, principally according to periodic stress." Now THAT is more like the definition of rhythm. 

Something that I have had a hard time doing lately though is asking the Lord to guide me through it. How can I sit here and complain about how I can't find a rhythm, when I have yet to open my Bible or even pray for God to help me overcome this stage. Instead, I feel like I have let Satan get a foothold on my heart and tug me away. I find myself lately saying, "I'll pray for you." But only saying it because it is the right thing, and not actually doing it. 

I want this "funk" to end.

So Lord, I am asking you right now.

I am asking that you help me get out 

of this foothold and back into Your

arms. I ask that You help me find a 

rhythm that is in the same pattern

as Yours. I pray that You help me be

intentional in the things I say and do.

I pray that You help me get out of this

funk. I trust that You will be there. 

God is All-Powerful

Realize you can't. Realize HE can. 

These are words spoken by Phil Comer in chapel today. (And reposted on Facebook by my friend that made me think more into it)

These are words that sometimes seem as if they are an easy action to do- Realizing that He can do all things.

Sometimes I forget that He is the God of my life and want things my way, or without His help. But who doesn't do that, right? 

Our God is a God who can help us with anything.

"O Sovereign Lord! You have made the heavens and earth by Your great power. Nothing is too hard for you! (Jeremiah 32:17).

Our amazing God is capable of doing anything-as long as it does not violate any of His other attributes. No task is too big for Him. He never fails. And He is never tired, frustrated, or discouraged.

Yet our all-powerful Creator cares for us? He cares for us even though we do fail, and even though we always seem to be getting tired, frustrated, and discouraged. He longs to exhibit His power in our lives.

David writes, "When I look at the night sky and see the work of Your fingers-the moon and the stars You have set in place- what are mortals that You should think of us, mere humans that You should care for us? (Psalm 8:3,4).

Isn't it amazing that no matter what we are facing, God can help us? Nothing is too hard for Him. No need is to great for Him to meet. No problem is too complicated for Him to solve. No enemy is too strong for Him to conquer. No prayer is too difficult for Him to answer. 

The Bible promises, "By His mighty power at work within us, He is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope" (Ephesians 3:20).

If our hearts and motives are pure and we truly seek to do God's will, then why is it so hard to know and understand that there is nothing too difficult for us if we depend on His strength? 

"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13).

Lord, You are all-powerful.

Help me to realize that YOU can

and that I can't. You are the Lord

of my life, and I need to start treating

You that way. Help me be obedient to You.

Love is Not a Game

I got this book for graduation call "His Princess. Letters from Your King."
I absolutely LOVE it! It is basically a book full of letter written to me from God. Each one is a love letter from Him telling me in different ways that I am His princess and He loves me.

The letter I read today says...

My Princess... Love is not a game.
Listen to Me, My princess. Love is not a game—it is a gift. I know there are those who don't sincerely care for your heart, but I say that your heart is priceless. Reflect on your relationships, My royal one. Who are you allowing into your private world? Do they draw you closer to Me, or do they weaken your faith in Me and draw you away? I gave My life so you could be free. I don't want you to play "relational games" to get the approval of people. If you choose to play these games, you will miss out on all I have for you. I am your Father, and I know what's right for My Daughter. Hold on to Me and let go of those who harm you. Then you'll be free from their power, and you'll be wise enough to see what a real, lasting relationship is meant to be. Love, You King who bought you.

You are not your own;

you were bought at a price.

Therefore honor God with your body.

*1 Corinthians 6:19-20

I could not have needed this letter at a more perfect time. I have been reminded so much lately how God truly does have a plan for our lives and how He knows who we are going to marry. I have been reflecting so much on my past relationships, and how none of them were healthy, and it makes me know how that is not what I want anymore. I want a guy that relates with me. A guy who I get a long with well and has a true heart for God. And I know God provides, so I am waiting on His time for this.

Sometimes I feel like George Fox has such a huge standard for finding your "soulmate" while you are attending there. And maybe that is the case for me... Maybe not. Everyone seems to be trying too hard to find someone to be with. I am just being myself. Hanging out. Having Coffee. Talking. It's all fun to me. 

Lord, help me to realize that You have 

perfect timing. You put people into my life

exactly when You want to. Help me to be 

patient when it comes to my love life. 

You know who I am supposed to be

with and I trust You with that. 

God's Coffee

I read this today and I absolutely love it.

Had to share it. =) 

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite telling them to help themselves to the coffee. When the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups...And, then you began eyeing each others cups.

Now consider this: Life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of Life we live. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us. God brews the coffee, not the cups...So, Enjoy your coffee!

The happiest people don't have the best of everything,

They just make the best of everything.

Live simply.

Love generously.

Care deeply.

Speak kindly.

Leave the rest to God.