Oh, Grumpy Days!

Today has been my grumpy day.

Just when I finally started to feel good and like my body was back to full strength...

I started radiation up again last night and today I am more fatigued than any other treatment has left me. This treatment has not left me throwing up like every other treatment, but the weakness I feel in my body makes me pretty nauseous.

I think the only reason this whole thing has left me grumpy is because I thought I was done with this kind of stuff. I was able to go to Romania/Moldova which was a HUGE blessing, and they have worked my treatments around my week vacation to Mazatlan, Mexico at the end of July, too (which keeps looking better and better every day)! To say the least, I am very thankful that this cancer has not completely eliminated me from the things I want to do.

I try to stay positive... I really do. Especially when I look at the simplicity of my treatment compared to those who have been doing this for WAY longer than 4 months and who have to do it a lot more than once a week.

But could I just please be done now?!

I have spent this gorgeous, sunny day inside sleeping, reading, playing on my computer, and watching movies and TV all day. This is not really how I pictured my summer to go.

I am just praying that I only have to do the minimum of 8 weeks of treatment instead of 16 weeks because then these treatments would be going in to the school year. And that is definitely not how I pictured my school year to start off.

I have always heard people say, "God's plan is different than our own."

But do I really believe that God had cancer in His plan for me?
Would God really impress this kind of suffering on anyone?

I don't think I would agree with anyone who says that this was obviously God's plan, but I would never argue against the fact that He is using this for a beautiful purpose. From Sheraya's story to the strength and courage I have discovered within myself, this journey has brought a lot of glory to God.

But I would not wish the kind of horrors that I have lived day in and day out on my worst enemy. From the surgery, treatments, and fear, to the sickness, hospital stays, and anger, this journey has been a very difficult one.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Right?

"The strongest oak of the forest is not the one that is protected from the storm and hidden from the sun. It's the one that stands in the open where it is compelled to struggle for its existence against the winds and rains and the scorching sun." *Napoleon Hill.

Today I am finding my peace through the prayers and words of affirmation from others because if I didn't have that... I would be having a super grumpy day.

(Side note—The cancer is not back. I am still in remission. I am going through treatments in order to kill off the remaining cancerous tumor, but that tumor is not active. They are choosing to do radiation treatments over having to remove the full set of lymph nodes in surgery).