Embrace

Like I have said before... Reverse Culture Shock: It's real!

But when I said that last time, I was still in this stage of shock. I didn't think that it was going to be this hard transitioning back in to life in the US. And although I still find myself shocked here and there... I am trying something different now.

I am learning to embrace the culture shock. 

This period of culture shock has allowed me to look at my life with a new set of eyes. My experiences from Romania/Moldova are still fresh and now that I am home, I am seeing things differently. I have been taking the time to compare how I lived there and how I live here. 

There are things here at home that I love that I once took for granted.

I quickly learned in Romania that people don't smile at each other when passing by. People don't take time to greet someone unless they know them or are about to meet them. I found myself looking at the ground when I walked everywhere because most of the time the response to a smile would be a glare, or later turn in to a catcall as I continued walking down the street. Now that I am home, I smile at everyone! And I used to take for granted the friendly grocery tellers who would strike up conversations with me as I checked out, but now I realize how thankful I am to have that!

There are the things that I don't necessarily like, but that I once took for granted.
As we were walking to our host family's upon arrival in Galati, Paul, our host dad, explained to us that we were not going to want to spend any time in our bedrooms except for sleeping. After taking one step upstairs, I knew exactly what he meant. It was like a sauna, but the thing is... I don't know if that is something that bothered me. I think I am more bothered right now that as I write this post, I am sitting inside on a hot day shivering, wearing shorts and a sweatshirt, as the air conditioners blast the room. During the summer, I layer up to be inside and in the winter I take off layers in front of a high thermostat.

I have learned to appreciate the things that I can do and things that work.
Bus schedules, any schedules, the internet, ATMs, etc.—just a few things that work!
I appreciate things that I can do here that I never really thought about. Things like being able to take a shower at the same time as someone else in the house without having to take a cold shower, being able to flush toilet paper, and not having to squat when going to the bathroom.

There are also things that I learned to live without, and wish it was easier to do so here!
Our host mom was constantly making the joke that her cell phone was EXACTLY like an iphone, yet her phone was one of the older Nokia phones. She just thought it was silly that we all had smart phones. Life seemed much simpler there because there was an absence of electronics. Upon return, it didn't seem hard to quickly adapt back to having my cell phone on me at all times, but I wish it wasn't that way!
Another thing that I appreciated so much while I was there was that my main transportation was walking or public transport. The only car I rode in the whole time I was there was a taxi 2 times. I wish that there was as much public transportation here in the US, where I live, so that I wouldn't need a car!

At first I thought reverse culture shock was such a horrible thing but only because my first experience ended in tears in the middle of a shoe aisle at Nordstrom Rack. Now that I have taken the time to appreciate the things I have here, but also compare some of the things I appreciate there... Reverse culture shock has been a lot easier!

Willing to Endure

It has been almost a week since I returned back to the United States after spending some time over in Romania and Moldova.

I could not agree more with the people who told me before that the transition back in to life at home is a lot harder than one would expect.

Apart from the many nights of trying to overcome jet lag, I have spent my days in conversation and my nights journaling. I still can't even begin to comprehend how just 3 1/2 weeks in Romania/Moldova completely changed me. I miss it so much there, and it hasn't even been a full week!!

I miss sitting in the chapel and being brought to tears as we worshipped in both English and Romanian—knowing that no matter the language, we were praising the same God, our Heavenly Father who protects each one of us.

I miss the way my name was mispronounced by almost everyone there because for some reason the long "a" to them sounds like "ee". H{ee}ly.

I miss the way I missed being home, but being fully content in where I was at because the simplicity of the way I was living was awe-inspiring.

I miss our daily discussions that made me struggle with the ideas of poverty, suffering, and brokenness.

How do I keep this stuff fresh in my mind?
How do I continue to seek out a life of awareness?

I feel like Romania/Moldova took my heart out of my chest and smashed it into the ground, but not necessarily in a bad way. My heart has been stretched in a way that I am fully allowing Jesus to stretch out His cross. I understand sacrifice in a way that I never had before.

During chapel one morning in Moldova, I was challenged greatly by the verse 2 Timothy 2:10.

"Therefore I endure everything for the sake of the elect, that they too may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory."

How willing am I to endure everything–suffering, pain, rejection–in order that others would come to know our Lord, Jesus Christ?

When I heard this, all I could think about was Sheraya. All the pain and suffering that both her and I were going through in order for her to come to know Jesus in the end. But this is only one time in my entire life that I can think of that I endured so much for the sake of someone obtaining salvation.

I think about the Word Made Flesh staff in both Romania and Moldova.
They live their life every day enduring so much in order to make sure that the children and teens at the Drop-in Centers would know that their Heavenly Father has them wrapped in His arms—always with them.

I am having to figure out how I am going to have that mindset without thinking that I have to sell all my stuff and become a missionary.

How do I integrate how I lived life overseas with how I live life here?
This is a question that I am sure I will be wrestling with for awhile. Although the answer may be simple... It's the training of my mind that will take some work.

"Man's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions."

And The Processing Begins...

Before leaving for Romania, everyone kept telling me that I would probably experience culture shock. And to some extent, I guess I did. Things are different there, and I had to adjust. But that didn't seem as hard as returning home.

Reverse Culture Shock... it's real.

After arriving back in the United States, I accompanied a friend to Nordstrom Rack to look at shoes for her. After being asked several times if the shoes she was trying on looked good, I slowly started to tear up.

Just days before I was walking with children in Romania to the Danube River Front. Many of them with calloused feet and breaking flip flops, which was probably the only pair of shoes that many of them owned.

How do I begin to reconcile these two images?

How do I balance the thankfulness that I have for the abundance we have here with the heartache that I feel for those who don't have that?

How do I bring the same eyes that I viewed life through over in Romania and Moldova back here to the United States?

How do I keep that sensitivity, perspective, and passion?

I feel like these next couple days, weeks, months, and even years... I will be constantly processing my time in Romania and Moldova.

I cannot wait for the chance to go back because I know the Word Made Flesh communities that I experienced stole a piece of my heart.

Ruined

I sit here in disbelief, but thankful. Broken-hearted but blessed.

I just walked through the valley, which is the lower part of Galati, Romania that is often forgotten and very poor. Houses with roofs caving in. Children with tired eyes. Stairs collapsing. Mothers hanging clothes outside with sweat dripping down their faces. Families begging on the corner.

I try to imagine what life would be like if I traded places with any of the people here in the valley.

Would I be the kid whose family got our house taken and now live with 30 people in 2 rooms of a rundown building?

Would I be the kid whose mother locks me out of the house in 20 below freezing weather because I took too long at the store?

Would I be the deaf grandmother working hard to take care of my grandchildren?

Would I be the kid who has to very carefully watch my step up to my house because the stairs are collapsing?

Or would I be the mother who gives away my meal to yet another child I so graciously welcome in to my home?

My heart aches after hearing story after story.

I think about the months growing up that my family didn't have water or electricity in the house. It was a struggle, but to these people-that is an everyday reality.

I remember collecting plastic bottles and cans with my siblings in order to do activities because my parents couldn't afford extras. It was hard not being able to do what all my friends could, but to these people-collecting bottles is a way of getting the basic necessities for survival.

Life is different here.

There is something that seems to be evident and parallel to life back home.

There is joy to be found in the pain.
There is redemption to be found in the suffering.

The youngest child of nine is making her way to college even after growing up in a one bedroom home with no water and electricity.

After years of homelessness and abuse from several different family members, a brother and sister are getting taken care of by wonderful people and making a new life for themselves.

A young man spends his summer in the library because he thrives in learning and making a future.

There is a safe and comfortable community that provides education, food, and a place for kids to be kids in the valley.

Being here in Romania and Moldova has completely reshaped my mind in what it means to be serving Jesus amongst the poorest of the poor.

I look around and wonder if this is the kind of place the Lord is calling me to? Or have I just developed this longing in me to indulge myself in this culture?

Either way. I know I will be back someday. There is just something beautiful about the grace found in the work being done here that has captured my heart. When I have to leave, a piece of my heart will remain over here.

My life has been ruined... in the best way possible.

Enjoy Every Moment

On April 6th, 2012—I was sitting in the doctors office when I was first told, "You have cancer."

Exactly two months from that date, June 6th, I will be on a plane to Romania—Cancer-free!

Now isn't that something?! Gosh, we serve a big God!

It has been almost 3 weeks since I found out that I was in remission and what a three weeks it has been. Fully of twists and turns. So much excitement, as well as many struggles. 

I struggle fighting my fear of relapse.

I struggle at times to find happiness.

I struggle to ask when I need something, even it is just to talk.

I think I had too high of an expectation in when it came to remission because I really do think I expected it to be all rainbows, butterflies, and kittens–so to speak. Which is true at times, a lot actually. But not always, and I need to be okay with that.

I don't know if I am able to say that I thank God for giving me cancer, but I do give thanks to Him for the amazing things He did within that battle. I give thanks for the growth that I have encountered in the darkness.

Someone told me today, "Don't forget to pray today because God didn't forget to wake you up this morning."

Then I tied this together with a quote a friend reminded me of the other day, "What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?"

Those two things have really been getting my mind going. 

I need to pray and give thanks daily! 

Even if I struggle, God is in the midst of that. He takes on my struggles as His own. He bears the weight that I feel on His shoulders.

I tend to find myself thanking God for the big things. The miracles He performs, the big opportunities He has for me, etc. Yes, I obviously need to continue to do so, but I need to reshape my perspective on what I am thankful for.

The little things deserve just as much, if not more, praise because those things happen every second of every day. 

I am thankful for my pillow I get to sleep with every night.

I am thankful for my stuffed pig that reminds me of all the amazing memories I had with my Nana.

I am thankful for my cell phone that keeps me connected with the people that God has placed in my life.

I am thankful for beautiful sunsets that seem to always make my heart happy.

God puts these little blessings in my life, and I overlook them way too easily. 

I leave for Romania in 2 days and although I have many fears about this trip, I cannot let them overrule the thankfulness I feel because the happenings of the last 2 months has truly been the unmistakable hand of God (thanks Mandee!) in my life.

Lord, I want to give You thanks for everything.

Thank you for the little blessings that you put in

my life, and even when I seem to overlook them...

Thank you for continuing to show me Your

unmistakable work in my life. You are worthy of all praise.