One Year!

So as of today, 7/24/10, I have been baptized for one whole year!

I have just returned from Mayfield Lake Youth Camp and who I was last year at this point at camp, is a totally different person that I am today coming home from camp now...

Last year I remember trying to figure out who I was in Christ.

I was Confused. Broken. Hurting. Lost.

This year is COMPLETELY different.

I am Filled. Compassionate. Over joyed. Genuinely happy.

This past year I have had uncountable blessings.

I believe that God needs to receive all the glory for things He has done in my born again life.

• God blessed me with the most amazing opportunity to serve Him. He provided me with funds and with the support to go on a mission trip to San Francisco. He really worked through my heart when we were there. I have been completely softened and compassionate about those in poverty and who are less fortunate than we are. It really sparked an interest for mission trips in my future.
• He has provided me with adults in my life that all have a quality that helps me get to know Him better and continue to grow in Him. There are several leaders at my youth group that I completely adore with all of my heart. I know that if I had any little situation or question, that they would help me no matter the circumstances. I don't know where I would be if I had not seeked help from them all when I need it most.
• I had an experience this week at camp in helping a teenage girl come to accept Jesus Christ in her life. I did a repeat-after-me prayer with her when she realized that she needed Him in her life so bad. It brought tears and a smile to my face when I was able to do this to the first time. I was in tears because I know that feeling of being SO lost that you can't do anything but weep for Him to be in your life.
• God had called me to start my own little ministry through texting. I send out daily Bible verses every weekday morning to OVER 100 people. Although at this exact moment my phone is not working due to my clumsiness, it will be up and running again in no time. He has blessed me with an outreach opportunity to the people in my life that don't have Christ.
• I was able to help a homeless teenager upon returning from my mission trip. God was calling me to provide this girl with the basic needs and to share Him in her life. She was on a 2 year journey after running away from foster care so that she could find her real mother. I truly believe that God called me out personally to do this because He had previously prepared me in San Franciso.
• Although I was completely nervous and second guessing myself... A LOT... I was able to come to the understanding that God provided me with an amazing testimony and that He needs that glory. I shared at camp this week with WELL over 100 high schoolers. As I started to speak, my testimony really just flew outta my mouth. God was speaking right through me and with plenty of prayer before going up there, I was able to deny Satan the ability to shove the "should haves" into my mind afterward.

I think this is probably like a little sliver of what all He has done for me, but I know that these are some big things that have really changed my heart or I know are going to help me along the way.

I remember back when I thought I was FOR SURE disqualified from His Kingdom because I wouldn't give Him ALL of me when I knew I needed to. He ALWAYS privded me even when I didn't necessarily "ask" but He knew I that I needed it.

This last week has been very moving for me. We have talked about taking a stand in our faith with Jesus Christ. He really called me to make that Stand and give Him ALL of my heart, soul, and strength in everything that I do.

All men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved.

Matthew 10:22

Well I'm an official High School Graduate!! =]

High school is such a weird time in life. You start friendships in elementary school, and keep them during middle school, and then high school comes around and everyone is completely different. You lose friendships. You gain some. Everyone changes. And then right when everything seems to fall into place, like everyone in the class is getting along, it's graduation time!

I feel like I am stuck in a "right now" moment with my friends because I don't want to lose them. But now I realize... It has only been almost 2 weeks since graduation and I have yet to talk to a group of my friends that I had considered my "best friends" all year...

People change.

 Some grow up and learn to take independence and life into their own hands, while others would rather not be self motivated with their new beginning.

It's so hard to let go of my friends, but at the same time so easy. I have been told by several that they don't normally last a lifetime. Although I would want them to, I realize the chances of that are very slim.

 People have told me:
"My high school friends and I are facebook friends and meet on a rare occasion, but aren't really "close"."

I had orientation just this last weekend at George Fox University, and I can tell you already that I know that is where God is calling me to be. It is so hard to leave my hometown feel behind, but I know He has bigger and better things for my life. I have already met new people and made new friends.

When I first got on campus I couldn't fathom how beautiful it was!

 I had automatic butterflies in my stomach. I had the "new home" feel inside my automatically. I don't even know how to explain it other than I could feel the presence of God surrounding me and making me feel at home. I was nervous and scared upon arrival and all my fear had suddenly washed away and I was so excited to see more!

I move into my dorms in exactly 65 days from now. (August 26th) I really couldnt feel more excited in my life. I have my classes all picked out and am ready for action!

I want to ask for prayers as I move onto this next stage in my life. I know I am fearless and ready, but there is also that little spot inside of me that doesn't want to leave people behind.

I want to promise everyone that I will keep in touch and not just move on with my life. I have such an amazing support system back here, and I never want to lose any of you guys!

Proverbs 18:24

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

                                                              

                                                                                                                                      

His Princess

In the last couple of weeks I have been in a selfish stage in my life. Heading into graduation week, I really just wanted to be a part of the crowd, not necessarily doing things for the right reasons. I wanted the approval of my senior class even though on the inside I knew I wasn't really like them.

On graduation day, I was totally ready to leave that part of me behind. I wanted to see myself through His eyes and I started reading scripture and still couldn't find the satisfaction that I was searching for.

I went through the day just excited to move onto the next stage in my life. Graduated with a big smile on my face and went through graduation night just in complete happiness and daze. 

I got home and started opening my gifts from the party. One after another I got card with money, card with money (not that that isn't appreciated in any way because it is without a doubt) and then I got to a book from Kathy Lauzis. I read the title "His Princess. Love Letters From Your King." I looked at it and moved past it because I was tired and wanted to get through them all so I could take a nap.

Today while sitting here I was reviewing the last week and realized I never really found what I was looking for. I felt that unsatisfaction again and then something was telling me that I needed to look at this book from Kathy again. I opened it up and found what I was looking for. I read the first letter from God and it reads:

To My Princess... My Chosen One:

I chose you before the foundation of the earth to be My princess.You are royalty even when you don't feel like a princess. I will wait for you until you are ready to start living the amazing plans I have for you. I know you don't where to begin or how to become what I've called you to be, so let Me teach you day by day. Start recognizing who I am: The King of kings and Lord of lords. The Lover of your soul. When the two of us meet alone together every day, I will show you how to let go of the things in your life that are holding you back from the blessings I want to give you.

Remember, My child, just as I have chosen you, I have given you a choice to represent Me in the world. If you are willing, I am here to give you all you need to compete your calling.

Love,

Your King and Lord who chose you.

Right when I read this, I knew that it was His way of telling me that I am royalty. I am His princess. This book was exactly what I  needed and was a true blessing from Kathy.

Earlier that day I had been reflecting on my life and the years I wasted not knowing God's plan, His purpose and the power that was mine for the asking. After reading this one letter from God, I realized we can live beyond our pain and our past, our fears and failures, and become... His princesses.

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.

John 15:16

The Two Roads

I was skimming through a book today, Chicken Soup for the Christian Soul II, and came across this poem. I thought it was definitely something worth sharing on here. 

This poem, in a way, reflects my life.

The Two Roads

By Whitney Welch.

There was a path
Deep in the woods.
Once, it forked-
The bad, the good.

I chose to take
The left-hand path,
I did not know
I needed a map.

Now this road that I travel
Is dirty and battered.
It’s littered with dreams
That are broken and tattered.

Paved with wrongdoings
And dotted with hearts,
That were taken from people
And just torn apart.

Pain and regret
Are common here.
Wherever you turn,
They’re always near.

I want to cross
To the other path,
And leave behind
This painful wrath.

I thought I was forever
Doomed to walk.
And all the gates
Were tightly locked.

But as I continued,
A footbridge I could see.
A bridge of hope
Called out to me.

Slowly I crossed
To the path of good.
Finally I was on the path
Of which I thought I should.

Now hidden deep
Within the woods.
The one that forked;
Paths bad and good.

I once was wrong
But now I’m right.
And before me
Glows a guiding light.

Altered by
A little step.
So close to falling
In darkened depths.

But I was finally
Pulled to hope.
I found that footbridge,
And learned to cope.

My simple mistake
Following the crowd.
Ignoring the heart
That speaks so loud.

The choices you make
Can change your life.
One will bring happiness,
The other brings strife.

There was a path,
Deep in the woods.
Once it forked;
The bad, the good.

Heed my warning,
Because I know.
Follow your heart-
You’ll know where to go.

Almost to the next step....

The end of my senior year is nearing. It is crazy to think in just 20 days I will be walking towards the podium to receive my high school diploma. Everyone always talks about how graduation is such a sad time in life. I do admit all my high school memories will always be cherished and missed, but I am not quite sure I will miss being in high school. Maybe the idea of actually getting a life now is what is scary to me.

I am at a point where I know God has an amazing future for me and has a perfect plan, but I always have that little suspicion that if He had such a great plan for me, why would I be so scared for the future? Sometimes I find myself fearing the future. Not because I think something bad is going to happen, but because I always want to have a plan and know what is going to happen. 

God definitely does have a sense of humor though. When you think you have everything figured out, He pulls the "gut trick." It's that feeling you get in your gut that you know you should be doing something else, going a certain place, or doing something in particular. For instance when I had my whole college life planned for Northwest Christian but in my gut I knew I should be going to George Fox. Or when I was driving by Walmart and saw the homeless teenager, Orianna, and I had somewhere to be, but in my gut I knew I had to stop and talk to her.

God works in the most amazing ways and I know when the time is right, He will reveal to me what I need to be doing. In the meantime, I think I should be counting my blessings while I still have them....

High school has been a drastic time in my life. I have had some amazing ups and I have had some pretty horrible downs. But I know that when God takes away, He is going to provide me with something more than I could ever ask for. The start of my high school years was basically doing whatever it takes to get from day to day, filling a void I had in my life. I didn't believe that there was a God and at that point, I didn't think there was ever a way I was gonna find Him in my life either. I give a special thanks to Molly Campbell for randomly asking me to go to Mayfield Lake Youth Camp after my freshman year because I have NO idea where I would be if I hadn't found the Lord. I was addicted to things I wish I had never even tried. I was doing stuff I wish I had never done. But I came into the Lord's presence that year at camp and ever since then He has been transforming my heart in uncountable ways.

After my junior year in high school, I got baptized at Mayfield Youth Camp. 

I could easily qualify this as the most amazing day in my high school life. The Lord saved me from everything I was keeping within. Every void I was filling, every secret I was hiding... He forgave me and I am a better person for everything now.

I could sit here all night and try to list all my blessings that God has gracefully given me, but I think they are uncountable. From college plans to the amazing people He has put in my life... I could not ask for more. I have been blessed with the most amazing church family and the most amazing youth workers at my church and I would not have it any other way.

College is the next step in my life and I know God has an amazing plan for me at George Fox. I am so anxious to see what He has for me there, but I don't know if I am quite ready to leave all my blessings behind.

A Prayer For The Future

Father, although I cannot see the future You have planned,

And though the path is sometimes dark and hard to understand,

Yet give me faith, through joy and pain to trace Your loving hand.

When I recall that in the past your promises have stood

Through each perplexing circumstance and every changing mood,

I rest content that all things work together for my good.

Whatever, then, the future brings of good or seeming ill,

I ask for strength to follow You and grace to trust You still;

And I would look for no reward, except to do Your will.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

*Jeremiah 29:11