Help Me To Choose You.

"God is not a feeling. God is a choice."
I was reminded tonight of these words spoke at summer camp by Jeffrey Dean...
And now I can not get them out of my mind.

When I FEEL like God is not present in my life, then that is when I need to CHOOSE God above all things. I have been in quite the valley lately, but I need to realize God is there even when it doesn't seem like it. "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for YOU are with ME."-Psalm 23:4. It says it right there, yet I still have a hard time choosing to believe it, ya know?

One of my good friends, Derrik... His little brother Chad passed away a week ago. At 14 years old! This kid was soooo great. I can't even describe him. I remember going up to their house for Survivor night and he was always there to be my infamous ping pong partner, tell me random facts, or show me the newest addition to his coin collection. It just shows me that you never truly know when the last time is that you will see someone. His service was on Saturday, January 29th at 1:23pm. (23 was Chad's favorite number. He was born on October 23rd and he died on January 23rd.) This was one of the hardest things to go through because no one's life should be cut that short.

I was told today of a story of a woman drowning around the age of 20 and the explanation of this was that maybe her life was supposed to be that short because she fulfilled all that God had wanted her to. I look at this story and can't help but think it was that same reason for Chad. He lived every day as if it were his last and loved EVERYONE. He always meant what he said, made the most of what he had, and left an amazing impression on so many hearts. His smile could light up the whole world.

I want to think that if I died today that I have made a lasting impression on that many hearts. I don't honestly know if I can genuinely say that though. I will definitely be challenging myself to change that.

My freshman year here at Fox has been nothing like I had expected. I came here thinking that I would be growing so much in the Lord that it would be overwhelming to myself. But what I did not think would happen is that my faith would be challenged and shaken like it definitely has been since I got here. It is like God is testing me to make sure that I will follow Him in the end. I definitely have the overwhelming part of what I thought would happen, but what is happening to me is opposite of what I wanted. But what I want and what God has planned are obviously two COMPLETELY different things.

Lord, Please help me change.

Help me leave a lasting impression.

Help me to understand your plans.

I am in such a stage of wanting,

when in reality, I should be asking

what YOU want ME to do?

Not telling you what I want you to do.

Help me to CHOOSE you.

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.

-1 Peter 5:10.