We were asked to split into groups and talk about this question in class the other day as a "get-to-know-eachother" kind of question.
Everyone was really struggling to find an answer, but this question was so easy for me.
When it got to be my turn in the circle to share, I hesitated and tried to think up of something other than the answer I already had in my head.
My answer seemed simple to me: I have cancer.
Unless you know who I am or have heard my story, you would probably never guess that I have cancer based on my appearance.
I lost chunks of hair, which was my biggest fear, but praise the Lord that they were easily covered up. My skin was somewhat pale. But when I was going through chemo, I lost 20 pounds. That was probably the most physical attribute of mine that was visibly different.
So honestly it has been hard being at college. It is hard walking around with hundreds of people who don't know this huge thing is going on in my life. But at the same time, I never want to be labeled as "the girl who has cancer," so there is so much fear in sharing it.
It's a tricky situation because this life experience of mine has obviously deeply impacted me but I feel like it always seems to be an awkward situation when I tell someone that I am battling cancer still... Like it's "too soon" or something.
This journey of cancer is a life experience that has the potential to speak wonders into the lives of others, but why do I cling so tightly to it? Why do I hold myself back from sharing?
What I have found though is that it all boils down to me feeling like it's so hard that no one here at Fox can REALLY relate! That no one really knows what I'm having to go through firsthand.
So I think a challenge to myself is to be able to discern when it is appropriate to share and when it's not. And also the ability to wake up everyday knowing that I am safe and loved.
And know that God is getting ready to bless me in a way that only He can.
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