His Light Shines

Before the surgery, I knew that there was a possibility of having to wait awhile before I heard the results from the biopsies they will be doing. But today I found out that it is going to close to 2 weeks, if not more before I find out my next plan of treatment is.

If the lymph nodes that they removed from my armpit show any sign of cancer, then that means I have stage 3 lymphoma and will be needing to start chemotherapy again as soon as possible. If they don't show cancer, then they will do a scan to make sure that there aren't any other swollen lymph nodes and then do a couple radiations and then I would be declared in complete remission. So these are obviously 2 opposite sides of the spectrum that we are looking at.

I had a meltdown this morning thinking about the things that could potentially lie ahead. I don't want to have to start going through chemo again. I don't want to have to suit up for battle once again and have to endure through the intense pain that I felt before. I can only pray that God will intercede on my behalf; that He would make this cancer be gone from my body. Does healing count when it is only temporary? I know that He has plans for me beyond my cancer, but when will that be? 

After spending all this time questioning the Lord and what the purpose in having to go through this once again was, I picked up Jesus Calling. 

And again, the Lord is so faithful. 

October 6th.

     Be willing to follow wherever I lead. Follow Me wholeheartedly, with glad anticipation quickening your pace. Though you don't know what lies ahead, I know; and that is enough! Some of My richest blessings are just around the bend: out of sight, but nonetheless very real. To receive these gifts, you much walk by faith–not by sight. This doesn't mean closing your eyes to what is all around you. It means subordinating the visible world to the invisible Shepherd of your soul.

     Sometimes I lead you up a high mountain with only My hand to support you. The higher you climb, the more spectacular the view becomes; also, the more keenly you sense your separation from the world with all its problems. This frees you to experience exuberantly the joyous reality of My Presence. Give yourself fully to these Glory-moments, awash in dazzling Light. I will eventually lead you down the mountain, back in community with others. Let My Light continue to shine within you as you walk among people again.

2 Corinthians 5:7

For we live by faith, not by sight.

Psalm 96:6

Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and glory are in his sanctuary. 

Because the Lord knows what lies ahead, then I am choosing to have faith that I am going to be okay. I will continue to let His light shine through this suffering as I walk among other people.