It Is Well

It has been a very draining week. I have spent countless hours in the hospital between surgery, physical therapy, radiation, more biopsies, and getting ready for chemo that starts tomorrow. It is difficult to continuously be crushed by the power of cancer and the looming threat of spreading and relapse.

How do I find any kind of comfort in this?

I find myself constantly frustrated that the end is always just out of reach, but today I was reminded that it is a choice each and every single day to choose how I look at the situation I am in . Of course I need to make sure I am honest about my feelings, but what if even on the hardest of days I chose to always seek out the comfort of Christ?

As suffering has overtaken my heart, filled my mind with fear, and has turned my life upside down—I must choose to turn to Christ for comfort and peace. He is the only genuine hope we can cling to in such dark and sorrow filled moment.

William Cowper said in a poem, "Behind a frowning providence He hides a smiling face." I am certain that God has hidden His smiling face behind this bitter providence in my life. It's just hard because the only thing I continue to see is the looming clouds of darkness. I have found that the comforting words of friends and the peace of God that passes all understanding are what is capable of bringing true hope in the midst of this all.

Today in church we sang It Is Well with My Soul, then after the service a sweet friend of mine came up to me and said, "Is it well with your soul? I was thinking about you during that song!"

I didn't know what to say. It is, but it isn't. I came home and immediately listened to the song again.

     When peace like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, 'It is well with my soul.'
     Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, Let this blest assurance control, That Christ has regarded my helpless estate, And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
     My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! My sin, not in part, but the whole, is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more, Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
     And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight, The clouds be rolled back as a scroll, The trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend, 'Even so,' it is well with my soul. 
Chorus: It is well with my soul, It is well, it is well with my soul

How can I find hope and comfort in the midst of suffering? I can run to Jesus and find absolute hope and comfort in the death of Jesus Christ. Jesus' death has completely defeated my suffering. Hope doesn't exist in the world, but it does exist in Christ.

So even now, in the midst of my suffering; in the midst of the unknown, heartache, frustration and fear...

It is well with my soul.