Relying on Him

I jokingly told a friend the other day that I wish I could just hibernate for the next three weeks, but I am starting to think that I wasn't really joking as much as I thought I was.

I say this not to be anti-social, but rather I am just in this weird funk that seems almost impossible to get out of. I spent all Saturday morning and afternoon in solitude—just me and Jesus—and I thought that that might do the trick. I thought maybe if I just dug deep into His presence, then my heart would be so full that I would feel like everything was better.

Today I feel like my cup is empty. I am so exhausted in every aspect. I feel as if my strength has been stripped away, leaving me in a very emotional state. I came back to my room after a long day of classes and couldn't do anything but cry. And there wasn't really any good reason besides feeling overwhelmed and as if my hope is slowly dwindling away. I know there is so much truth behind the statement "Well, we all have bad days" but this has been going on for almost a week now, and I am worn out.

I can only hope and pray that this nightmare will be over at the end of these next three weeks, but until then I cannot continue to allow myself to fall into the lies that the enemy has been consistently whispering in my ear.

"You are weak, and can be defeated."
"How can you believe that God is with you?"
"There is no purpose in this suffering. Give up."
"It's not worth the fight."

These are all things that I know with all of my heart are not true, but when they are persistently being fed to me... I can't help but break down; crying out to God that He makes His presence known by surrounding me with an unexplainable peace.

At this moment in time, all I can think about it how CS Lewis says it best—"Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done."

I pray that I can realize every morning that there is no other way to live than to rely on Him with all of my being; trusting that He is always with me, even when I don't feel it.