I am Weak. He is Strong.

I found this picture today and I really liked it, so I thought I'd share.

It has definitely been a pretty rough weekend.

I think I got so excited about being in remission that I didn't realize the effect that chemo and radiation would still have on my body even after I am done with the actual treatments.

I have been laid up all weekend. Literally.
I was cramping up so bad that when I stood up to go to the bathroom, I thought I was going to pass out. Then on top of that, I have been experiencing horrible headaches and hot flashes.
And when I talked to the doctor about it, all they can say is that it is a normal side effect to those who have had chemo and also radiation in the pelvic region.
Chemo and radiation can put you in a pre-menopausal state. Sometimes it is just temporary, and other times it can be permanent. The doctors explained to me that a lot of patients experience this earlier on, but it is not uncommon that you experience this after you stop treatment too.

On top of that, my body is still experiencing fatigue, that in which I know is obviously completely normal. Although the doctors have told me that my white blood cell levels are high enough to go to Romania, I find myself still pretty nervous about where my body is at physically.

They have me on immune boosters and are doing radiation this Tuesday, but what happens if I get sick when I am overseas? The thought of feeling like I have this weekend in a different country kind of freaks me out. But then again, I just feel like I have a lot of the "crazies" getting in my head. So many people are worried about me getting sick (which obviously makes sense), but ever since I found out I have been able to go... All I have is a negative image of getting sick.

I know that the doctors wouldn't clear me to go unless they thought I was safe to do so and they never even really had any doubts about it either. When they did the tests on me last week, they gave me an okay without any real hesitations, which has gotta mean something, right?

I can only hope and pray that in these 9 more days leading up to leaving for Romania that I will gain some more strength back and not feel like I have this weekend. I have this deep longing to go serve in Romania, but I just pray that my fear of getting sick doesn't overpower my ability to mentally be ready to serve.

Lord, I know you have a plan for all of this.

I trust that You know exactly what you are 

doing. Although my body is weak, I know

that You are strong. My flesh my fail, but,

my God—You never will.  Thank you for 

all that You have done in my life, and all

that You will continue to do. I praise You.