I Have Faith, Despite My Anger.

I was not feeling well today and spent a lot of time journaling this morning and afternoon. 

Which in turn, always brings up a lot of emotion.

I spent the day trying to figure out what I am really feeling on the inside without rushing to my knowledge that Christ is present.

There were so many things I felt like doing.

Yell.
Complain.
Vent.
Throw a fit.
Cry.
Question.

I mean, what is stopping me? Nothing.
Will people think that I don't trust Jesus because I am angry? No.
Do I fear letting those raw emotions be seen? That's what it seems like.


I have been encouraged by many to show my emotion, yet I continue to hold back.
God is questioned in the Bible, yet I have a hard time doing so.

"Why, Lord, for you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?" Psalm 10:1.


I don't think I have quite wrapped my head around the fact that it is possible to think that life sucks and that God is good. I do not need to rush through the pain and suffering to demonstrate that I have faith. 


I was reading another blog today that talked about a lady who lost her daughter in a car accident at age seven. She said, "I knew that if God was really God, His chest was big enough for me to pound on."

How could it get any truer than that?!

I can just imagine getting close enough to pound on God's chest while having a crying fit, yet all He does is reach down and embrace me in His arms with love.

As a Christian, I am told to recount the good deeds of God. To tell stories of his faithfulness and the times in which I have been redeemed. But what I need to realize is that those stories fully include the times when I was angry and questioned God.

I am able to show my true feelings without fear that He will ever leave my side.

I don't have a happy ending to my story yet, but I am able to say that God has definitely been here in the midst of these troubling times. No matter what. 

Lord, here I am. Once again. 

Angry and questioning.

I just want this suffering to end. 

I want to be in a safe harbor in my life 

and it feels like that is not near.

Help me to understand that it is

okay to show my emotions. That it is

possible to be in the midst of Life Sucking,

and know that You are still good through it all.