My whole life has been trial after trial. Does it ever end?
I found this quote yesterday that I felt somewhat tied a lot of my thoughts up in one.
"Hope does not erase pain. It simply enables us to bear it."
Before I was gripping on to the thread of Christ's presence, but that has changed.
I feel like I am now dangling from a very thin thread of hope.
And I mean, very thin.
I have found myself completely fearing this unknown future.
I don't know how to get rid of this feeling of absolute helplessness.
I have been overcome by soul-wrenching emotions that I have never felt in my entire life.
Sadness is something that I have thought was not really an emotion I was feeling. I have cried endless amounts of tears, but it never felt like it was out of sadness.
Frustration, maybe?
Bitterness?
Anger?
All of the above?
But even if I don't think that I am sad, that emotion is part of the broken world that we live in. And it has been since the beginning.
"Have mercy on me, LORD, for I am faint;
heal me, LORD, for my bones are in agony.
My soul is in deep anguish.
How long, LORD, how long?
I am worn out from my groaning
All night long I flood my bed with weeping
and drench my couch with tears.
My eyes grow weak with sorrow;
they fail because of all my foes."
—Psalm 6:2-3, 6-7.
Though these words may seem dismal, I feel like they have provided me with some form of comfort. It is so applicable to my life right now, and I have found reassurance that these words are not glossing over the pain and suffering I feel.
There are quite a few people that I know, including some of my family, that assume that since I am a Christian, I should be happy all the time. That even when times are rough, I won't feel pain.
There is no where in the Bible that says that we won't live a life of despair. The Bible displays hurting people. People who cry out for help and are not afraid to show emotion.
God does not want us to pretend.
He knows that we won't ever have it all together.
The only thing that He looks for is for us to come to Him.
He hears. He listens. He cares.
"The LORD has heard my weeping.
The LORD has heard my my cry for mercy;
The LORD accepts my prayer."
—Psalm 6:8-9.
No matter how bad things get, God's love does not fail us.
He keeps His promises.
He is here.
Right next to me.
Holding me in His loving embrace.
Giving me strength to face each new day.
I am praying that I will soon come to a place of peace within those promises of His again. And with the help of others, I do believe that I can....
Eventually.
Lord, I want to thank You for the people You
have put in my life that allow me to show my
emotions and encourage me to talk. I pray that
You continue to give me the strength to make it
through each day knowing that You are always near.
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