Like I previously said, on Saturday I just felt really good because I adopted the phrase,"Look Good, Feel Good." And I think that fully swung in to my day on Sunday.
Although talking to a million people at church on Sunday can be very overwhelming, I would never say that it wasn't worth it. I have found it really hard to find a good balance between where I want to be... I absolutely love being in Newberg because of the people I have there, but I love being home because of the people I have here. Each person in my life has a different way of speaking in to my life and I wish I could just gather everyone up and move to my own village with them all, lol. ;)
After church I got to hang out with my older sister, go to a BBQ at a friends, hang out with a family that I adore so much, hang out with a huge chunk of my family for dinner, and then ended the day with a 3 hour visit with another family that I love so much.
Even though I woke up this morning with barely a voice, I wouldn't change the conversations I had for anything. Not only did I get to clear my mind out a lot, I also just got to hang out and not talk about me for a change.
I have found myself truly doubting that miracle will happen, even though I do fully believe that they can happen. I serve a God that is beyond powerful. He has the capability to change the way things are, but I have found myself in this mindset that this is not going to change and that I am going to have to conquer this mountain. And even though I may not feel like I can, I know that I am continuously finding strength from the Lord and those around me.
Then today I got to go out to breakfast with my family, go to the church and hang out with a wonderful friend and then go out to lunch with another friend. And once again—conversation was great!
In conversation with El, believing if God causes things to happen or if He just allows them to happen. God obviously did not intend for the world to be like this. He created the Earth and it was good! That is definitely the last word I would use to describe the way this world is. But since God is all powerful, He has the ability to stop things from happening. El had mentioned that a lot of bad things in this world are ending consequences to sin, whether it be your own or someone else's sin. Except sickness and natural disasters. That got me thinking.
If cancer is technically not created by Satan, obviously not created by God, and not of consequence of a sin... Then why does God allow it? I don't believe that cancer was in God's plan for me, and even though there has been a lot of good coming from this already, but why couldn't this be prevented? I still and will always believe that God is good, but why this? Why me?
At church on Sunday, Pastor Galen talked a lot about finding peace through suffering. That suffering should always lead us to God and that through prayer, I should be seeking out His purpose. But sometimes that sounds so much easier said than done. I would not say that by any means I have not found peace through this, but what is His purpose? Was His only purpose in this to make sure I brought Sheraya to know Him? Or was that only the beginning of what He has in store.
I am trusting in His provision for this season of my life.
Lord, although I know you are powerful enough
to perform a miracle, I am having a hard time
believing that You are actually going to. I don't
understand this at all, but I am choosing to Trust You.
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