(This blog is going to be fairly random...)
I was told I would soon be able to go home as long as my white blood cell counts were high. When they said that, I automatically assumed the worst was going to happen. I was so sure that my counts would come back low because through this all, I haven't been given much good news with my health.
But then I received two different texts at the same time that put a huge smile on my face. They started with, "Good Morning Beautiful!" and "Good Morning Sunshine!" Nothing like some dear friends to make your day start off just right!
My count came back high and I was outta there. Then as I was driving down the road, once again thinking about Sheraya and beginning to think of this loss as pure tragedy, I received my next little blessings in the form of two more texts.
"Isaiah 12:4-6. When I read this I thought of your friend, Sheraya and all that God did in that situation through you. Give thanks to the Lord for he has done great things (in the midst of your struggles!!) Xxooxx"
"We just spent time as a team praying for you, friend. We love you!!!"
I feel like some days, the texts seem endless and sometimes overwhelming, but today it has felt completely different. It is such a beautiful day and I have had a smile on my face all day. I mean, I had a breakdown in counseling today, but I found myself laughing while I was crying.
Someone sent me a video the other day of Jimmy Valvano's speech given at the 1993 ESPY Awards. If you haven't heard it before, I highly recommend it! I would say that it is probably one of the most inspiring speeches, despite it being about cancer. Click here if you haven't watched it!
"To me, there are three things we all should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think. You should spend some time in thought. Number three is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that's a full day."—Jimmy Valvano.
I have made it a goal to make sure I do these three things every day.
Here is another text that I received yesterday from a friend that really made me smile, in a sense of knowing that God is still good!
"Just read your blog! Praying for you and of course so sorry Sheraya is gone. It seems so unfair. (...) But talk about God beginning a redemption story through you! Just the fact that through the hell the enemy is putting you through, God is already making the enemy look like a joke because not only are you clinging to the Lord, but you are bringing others into His Kingdom for eternity. The enemy must be furious, so I'm praying for your battle against spiritual attack. You are incredible, Haley. I'm so blessed to know you."
Her text brought tears to my eyes, but a smile on my face. I never really thought about how stupid the enemy looks through all of this.
I have had countless texts, messages, and conversations about my Sheraya story. Most of them telling me that they were moved to tears (which makes me wish I would have put at the top: make sure you have tissues!). I just feel completely honored to be a part of this story that so many are encouraged by. It almost seems unreal!
Also today, my counselor said something that I have heard before, but never really believed it until lately.
"Asking for help doesn't make you weak. Asking for trust and understanding doesn't make you a failure. Asking for someone to listen or to talk to doesn't make you needy. It means you're human. A mature one at that. You need to know you aren't in this alone, and by letting people help you, even with simple things, can make you feel loved. And don't be afraid to cry. It takes more strength to admit you're hurting than to hide your emotions."
I have found out now more than ever that I just need to know that I am not alone and that I am loved. And if I don't ever ask for help, then it makes it hard for others to help remind me of those things. I have found it beginning to be a lot easier to ask for help. Whether it be asking to hang out all day because I don't want to be alone or to just sit on the phone not saying a word because I don't know what to say... There are countless things that mean so much!
People may not invite me places because they may think I am too sick to go out.
People may not call me because they think I don't want to talk.
People may not call me because they think I don't want to talk.
People may not want to talk to me at all because they are afraid they might say the wrong thing.
People are going to continue to think all of these things because that is just how humans are in situations like this.
How do they know what I need or want if I never tell them?
I need to continually remind myself that I need to put myself out there.
To end this, I am going to share one more thing.
"If God is sovereign, then he is in control of all the details of my life. If He is loving, then He is going to be shaping the details of my life for my good. If He is all-wise, then He's not going to do everything I want because I don't know what I need. If He is patient, then he is going to take time to do all this. When we put all of these things together—God's sovereignty, love, wisdom, and patience—we have a divine story."—Paul E. Miller.
Lord, thank You for the overflow of blessings
that I have been receiving lately. Thank You for
the friends You have placed in my life, and for
the friends You will continue to place in my life.
But most of all—Thank You for my Divine Story.
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